School does not suit our little people with ADHD.

An institution where they have to mix with other people exactly their same age. Challenging when we know our children are lagging social and emotional skills.

An institution where the requirements are to be generally passive, sit still, be quiet and wait your turn. All requirements that a young person with ADHD finds extremely difficult.

An institution that is governed by punitive systems, punishments, detentions, suspensions and exclusions. We know a reward based approach is far more stimulating and motivating yet they may receive a negative mark for a loose tie or talking in the corridor.

So as parents we do our best.

We attend meetings, suggest adjustments, spend a disproportionate amount of time fighting and getting upset and angry with the system.

Some teachers are amazing and will meet the needs of our children. But many do not. Many have not been trained to understand ADHD and how to successfully support pupils with reasonable adjustments.

That leaves our children miserable, fearful, angry, disillusioned with a system that is outdated, boring and doesn’t challenge their unique curious minds.

Many of our young people simply cannot attend school.

Some of our children desperate to fit in, will exert an extraordinary amount of energy to focus, socialise and follow the rules but….. when they get home they crash, explode or retreat into themselves.

Your job as a parent is to keep your relationship intact, keep their spirit alive and have sight of the end game. Get them though school with as much love, support and help as possible.

I heard recently from a parent of a family I was supporting some years ago. At school their teenage son was disruptive and frequently was unable to attend. He was angry and home life was extremely troublesome. Now he is in the real world and he is pursuing his passions. His mum now describes him as ‘transformed’ and his life has purpose. Same person. Different environment. There can be light at the end of the long, dark tunnel.

But if only you could have a crystal ball to see into the future. If you knew for certain that your child will be okay once they leave school, then perhaps this period of difficulty would be tolerable.

But sadly no such crystal ball mechanism exists and you can only hope and dream of a brighter future for your teen.

But know this. This will end. School will be a memory. If your teen can leave with their spirit in tact and with the skills they need to move forward, then your job (for now) is done.

Of course, try to work with school staff, promote your teen’s talents and abilities and empower your child to ask for what they need.

But in the end, school is not forever and your teen will eventually have some glorious choices.

So what are the next steps for a neurodiverse teenager?

In UK, the school leaving age is 16.

However, students must continue in education or training until they are 18. This can be achieved by:

• Staying in full-time education, such as at a college
• Starting an apprenticeship or traineeship

COLLEGE

Have a search in your local area for colleges.

Start with your teen’s natural interests and passions.

Things to consider:

• Does the course suit their learning style – audio, movement, practical, visual, group work or individual
• How long is the day
• What opportunities are there to study on-site (to avoid ‘homework’)
• What is the journey like
• Are there social opportunities or clubs to join
• What would the qualification lead to
• Have staff received ADHD training

When you and your teen are satisfied that the course and college seem interesting, book an appointment for an informal tour with a member of staff from the support team. As you are walking around, ask pertinent questions:

• How would all staff ensure needs are met
• Are there areas to go if your teen needs some calm space
• What support would be available for help with organisation and time-keeping

College is a great jump from school. Your teen may enjoy the informality and will start to find their tribe.

APPRENTICESHIPS + TRAINING

Many of our young people with ADHD are motivated by reward and money.

So training for a skill on the job whilst being paid may seem a highly desirable option.

There are many opportunities for progression and your teen may feel grown-up and relieved to be away from the restrictions of mainstream education.

They will be mixing with people from a variety of ages. Something which is a major obstacle at school where they are lumped together in a class with students exactly their own age – challenging if your teen is socially or emotionally immature. In the workplace this is less noticeable.

An apprenticeship may also be favourable as they will be mixing amongst a sphere of people who may be similar or have similar interests.

However, there may be less understanding of ADHD (unless there has been specific training which sadly is unlikely).

This could be a great opportunity to empower your teen to use their voice, speak up and politely ask for adaptations.

But remember every institution is governed by the Equalities Act 2010 which states that there must be ‘reasonable adjustments’ in place for people with ‘disabilities’ (and ADHD is counted as a disability).

Apprenticeships can lead to further training or employment and feels like an advantageous step away from school.

AFTER 18….

After your teen has completed college or training, the world is their oyster for work, further study, volunteering, travel or setting up their own entrepreneurial enterprise. Then they will begin the real education of life. Where they will be free to be inspired, curious and inventive. Outside the constraints of school your teen will find opportunities to experience life and pursue their passions.

I know this feels a long way off. But remember that crystal ball. This time at school is just time. It will be over. Your role is to get them through with their self-esteem in tact and their eye on the prize.

Hope that helps get you through,

 

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