I’ve been through a really tough couple of months and it got me thinking about resilience. What has kept me going on and not just curling up in a heap?
We all have difficult times. Being a parent of a child with special needs is considerable challenging and exhausting. Both physically and mentally. Throw into the mix personal problems and other issues with family members, you’re either ready to detonate or wither.
Life can be shitty. But actually, it can also be bloody amazing.
So this is my life at the moment.
My son who is 29 and has ADHD has lost his 44th job. He was actually marched off the premises on his birthday which is heartbreaking. He has always hated birthdays as when he was little he never got invited to anyone’s parties and didn’t have any real, close friends. Birthdays signified for him a time when you get rejected. So for this to happen on this particular day, just reinforced for him what a horrid day it really is for him. He is also suffering at the moment with extreme anxiety due to other issues in his life. I may share more about this another time.
He is also in a lot of financial trouble. He doesn’t seem to care or get that it should be taken seriously. He doesn’t cope well with problems, is in self-denial and reacts with rudeness and aggression.
Life with my son at the moment is particularly difficult, sad and we feel useless. He keeps repeating the same mistakes.
Then there is the problem with my hubby.
On my 50th birthday a few years ago we did Go Ape. I loved it. Swinging through the treetops and zooming down zip wires. Unfortunately hubby zoomed but landed with a thump rather than a glide. And so the start of back problems which culminated in injections, more injections then a surgery, swiftly followed by another surgery. None of which have been successful. He’s still in a lot of pain and again I feel useless. We had a miserable Easter / Passover stuck in hospital whilst friends and family got on with everyday life and celebrations.
On paper my life is really shitty at the moment.
But I refuse to let problems get me down. Yes I have a cry and I have some moments but I also have loads of things in my life to keep everything in balance.
I try very, very hard to keep the good things in my life as high priority.
Me and hubby last week had a fantastic experience at the Last Game At The Lane. We went to see Imelda May last night and managed to get a backstage pass to meet her. We go for lovely walks (limited due to The Back), try to go to the theatre and plan in our diaries fun things to do. Every single day we laugh.
I go to a really brilliant choir and belong to a wonderful reading group. I enjoy my work, my friends and try to volunteer regularly. I love seeing my family, painting, listening to music, going for walks in the woods and watching box sets.
Now I don’t report any of this to show off how amazing I am or how totally in harmony my life is. On the contrary. My life can be chaotic, hectic, flawed, problematic. I’m juggling three jobs. But I deliberately fill it with love, music, relaxation and fun to balance out the crap.
I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll repeat it many times. You cannot pour from an empty cup. In order for you to be strong enough to deal with the crap and the problems you absolutely must take care of yourself.
So my advice to you Warrior Mums. Please look after yourself. Keep the balance between good and bad. Try not to let the bad outweigh the good.
Life is shitty. But it is also bloody amazing.