New world
Did you watch the Netflix series ‘Adolescence‘? It was an incredibly powerful drama about relationships and the tragedy of a murder of a teenage girl. The story highlights the influence of social media on a 13 year old boy and the dreadful impact it has on his life.
I was hugely affected by it.
Mainly because the 13 year old boy could be any of our children. The parents thought he was safe because he was tucked up in his bedroom on the computer.
But our teenagers with ADHD are particularly vulnerable and are desperate for friendships. So they may be persuaded or be influenced to behave in a way that is alien to them.
This is a new world and our children are being exposed to a host of dangerous situations we may be totally unaware of.
I really don’t want to scare you.
But we need to know what our young people are having to face but do not have the emotional skills to handle.
So let’s start with a new way to express feelings and convey new messages:
Incel
Incel, short for involuntary celibate, is a term given to young men who feel they are unable to form romantic or sexual relationships with girls but then blame society and women for their failure. They are encouraged to be sexist and in extreme cases, violent towards what they perceive as strong females who have made them feel inadequate.
There is then a range of emojis which when shared convey alarming messages:
💊This is a symbol of men who have woken up to the idea that women are too strong and they are making men feel inadequate
🧨💥This symbols represents men who openly identify as an incel and have pent up sexual frustration
💯100%: This symbol refers to the idea that 80 per cent of women are attracted to 20 per cent of men, therefore lowering the chances of the average man securing a partner making them feel disillusioned and angry
👻👺👹These symbols are all anti-women
So what do you do to keep your child or teenager with ADHD safe?
Relationships
This is vital. Keep your relationship loving and trusting. You need to be a parent and role model but still be mindful that your child or teen will need your help when they make mistakes. Build up times when you can do fun things together and share their interests. Let them know your personal feelings about social media and what you do for yourself to mitigate time spent online.
No blame
When they are trouble and have made mistakes, try not to say “I told you so” and dish out punishments. Instead problem-solve together how to resolve the situation.
Sideways walking
The best way to communicate is whilst you’re walking or driving. This feels more casual and less formal and intrusive. You may also find success sending WhatsApp messages or voice notes to chat about difficult subjects.
Reality and Artificial Intelligence AI
Share with them that not everything they see online is real. What they see may be AI, fake or made-up. Have open discussions about truth and credibility.
Listen more than talk
Our children and teens often have the solutions but we need to give them space to work it out. Try not to lecture but instead listen, nod and make soothing agreeing noises. Ask open- ended questions and give opportunities for them to share details with you – without fear of punishment or you are backing them into a corner.
Check their devices
This is tough if this hasn’t been set up before. However the emphasis must be on their safety. Set up a regular time to check. Keep educating yourself about social media because your teen will know more than you – just the emojis mentioned above is an indication taht you may have little idea. But maybe if they know you are checking regularly, it will be a (thin) layer of security.
All devices should be charged outside the bedroom (including yours!) to help with sleep and avoid FOMO (fear of missing out) and distractions.
Depending on the age of your child, you may want to put on parental controls and to discuss boundaries. Discuss the sharing of personal information and to avoid meeting with anyone in real-life who they have met online.
Spot warning signs
Is your teen or child suddenly acting differently? Sleep, feigned illness or appetite? Keep the lines of communication open and help them come to you if they have a problem. Social media can affect mental health causing anxiety, low-mood, have a negative impact on self-esteem and may even persuade vulnerable teens to self-harm or hurt others.
Seek more help
If you feel a bit out of your depth, share with your teen or child details of websites or apps that may help such as Frank, Kooth, Young Minds or The Mix
Don’t panic
Most of our children and teens with ADHD will use social media and benefit from this 21st Century experience. Social media can be great for connecting and forming new social relationships. Apps like Tik Tok, Instagram, YouTube, Snapchat, X and Facebook can inform and show our teens new adventures. But trust your instinct. If things feel wrong, then act.
I hope that helps (and hasn’t freaked the pants off you!)
Love,
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